An Analysis of the CBU Collective

Inspired by Netflix’s Inventing Anna a couple of weeks ago, I wanted to interview someone about a random topic. The day I had the idea, I also facetimed one of my best friends from high school, TJ Tunstall. One thing about TJ? He’s probably one of my biggest supporters in any creative endeavor I’ve begun. More importantly, he LOVES being involved in my projects. So of course, when I relayed the message that I was in a reporter mood, he jumped at the opportunity, even offering his friends to the task. We are going to talk about that previous sentence in a paragraph or two, but first I’m going to answer the questions:

“Taylor, why them? What’s so unique?”

Let me talk a little bit about myself first.

In high school, I had a solid friend group where everyone had known each other for years, because they’ve done t-ball together, had Coach [Insert Random Name] for tenth-grade English, or joined a random club so they could be in the yearbook more than once or twice. In college though, I have friends or acquaintances who are rarely connected. This means they don’t know my other friends and have no real chance of ever interacting with my other friends. Therefore, it always amazes me when I witness a friend group in college that has not only overcome that initial “everyone is a stranger” barrier, but also one that actually works. You know the kind where people don’t have a secret disdain for another. The kind of friends where you can ask any person out of the group if they want to hang out, and it isn’t weird for the two of you to be together alone. A friendship so genuine that people would pay for it if they could.

So far, the only example I could present to someone of this kind of friendship, in college,  is TJ and his friends, who I like to call “The CBU Collective”. 

Did you remember that previous sentence from the beginning that I felt was important? TJ offered up the entire group’s time, just because he wanted to participate in my interview. The boys didn’t express during our conversation that they didn’t want to be there. Two of them, Cameron & Suneil, literally had a take-home test to complete, yet they were enthusiastically answering my questions. Students from my graduating year across the nation have talked about the loneliness of their freshman year, the difficulty of building social connections with empty campuses & zoom classes, and the fear that their college experience isn’t going to be “unforgettable” or “the best time of their lives”. How did these boys create such a strong bond during a pandemic, and further (more importantly really) how have they been maintaining it?

From my conversation with TJ, Kolby, Suneil, Cameron, David, Nate, & Zach, here’s my extended answer to the question above.

All of these boys play either soccer, basketball, or track, and have done so for a while (long enough to be recruited for the. . . illustrious . . . Christian Brothers University. My adjective use there is supposed to be funny, I wasn’t a fan of CBU my freshman year, but that’s a different story for a different day). Therefore, each individual in the group understands the concept of a team extremely well. Instilled with such values, they’ve brought these lessons from their athletic careers into arguably the most integral social relationships one can have in their early 20s, friends. The question then becomes what makes these boys a successful team off the field, court, or track?

1. Proper Usage of Varying Dynamics

   1. Specialization exists because not everyone is built for the same position. For instance, I wouldn’t be dropping my current major right now if I knew how to code without excessively crying about my program not running, asking my peers to explain why they did a “for loop” instead of a “while loop”, and then still not understanding them after. Would you make an offensive linebacker kick field goals? Would you force the shyest person in your group project to present your PowerPoint to the class? No & God no. You shouldn’t expect someone to put themselves in a position or role that they cannot see themselves succeeding in. Rather, you should embrace differences by allowing the person to utilize their strengths. This is how the CBU Collective works. They each bring something different to the table within their friendship, and they use these varying dynamics for the betterment of the group. I believe these boys take this idea a step further by learning from one another instead of getting jealous if one is more specialized at something than he. When I asked if there was a leader in the group, the boys agreed that no role in this friend group is greater than another. In colloquial terms, “No one runs sh!t. It’s a democracy!”

2. Maximal Effort

   1. I was under the impression that the boys work so well due to their proximity to one another. I mean, four of them are roommates, anyone could assume they’d be close. When I brought up my notion of their bond being strongly tied to their vicinity to one another, they refuted it strongly. I was instantly met with the saying (one that I believe wholeheartedly, and will probably go on a tirade about it on here soon) “If they wanted to, they would”. When these boys meet someone they feel a genuine connection to, they try their hardest to be inclusive to broaden the group. Not only this, they have a form of consistent communication to connect when some don’t necessarily live in the off-campus apartments. Finally, these boys are willing to suffer through not wanting to do something for the happiness of the group. I don’t know about y’all but the amount of effort of going to a bar full of people, when you don’t want to go, but the others might need a ride or a DD? That to me is maximal effort and selflessness.

3. Transparency & It’s Delivery

   1. Now, maybe this is a unique point to male friend groups, but their transparency with one another is astonishing. I won’t use names here, but I was made aware that one of the boys entertained a girl that another person out of the group had considered a week prior. He was comfortable enough to tell the other guy about it as soon as it happened????? I realized that the CBU Collective abides by a code of transparency with one another since they understand that their bond is stronger than anything trivial as pursuing the same girl. This full transparency regarding their actions and feelings also allows the group to hold each other accountable for actions that could cause such rifts. The delivery of this is so important to the boys because there’s an acute difference between holding someone accountable for their actions & being judgemental. The boys have made sure to call out or even weed out those who have poor delivery in their honesty.

I absolutely loved my conversation with these boys. Some of them I’ve known for about a year, but with the way they’ve treated me, you’d think I’ve known them for as long as I’ve known TJ. I respect and admire them a great deal for having such a brotherly love for not only one another but also those to who certain individuals in the group have an affinity. It’s pure, and I felt it deserved to be highlighted. Thank y’all for having me a few Sundays ago.

Also, I’m so sorry that it’s been a while, it took me a second to figure out the direction of this post, considering I could’ve gone in so many. The goal is to write three of these a month, and while trying to figure this post out, I’ve already written half of another. Thank you for reading & hopefully I’ll be here next week!