A Prologue To Social Cues, Empathy, and Characters.
Disclaimer: This post and however many are in this series look into how I navigate my interpersonal relationships with a focus on my dating life, yet it won’t be exclusive to my dating life. Therefore, to protect the privacy of certain individuals the names of those mentioned have been changed in this post.
“Lol, [nothing funny has been said at this point] I have a question,” Jacobi texted after he told me to be “by my phone” since we made loose plans to hang out that evening for the first time.
I had met him in the cafeteria a few weeks prior, and if I’m remembering correctly he asked for my number because he thought I could help him with his math homework. I gave it because he was cute, and I love when people compliment my intelligence. I’m not going to say I’m a whore for words of affirmation, but it’s really up there in my love languages. Plus, academic validation no longer means anything to me because I’ve been burnt out of school since my sophomore year of college. Sorry, Mom.
Maybe that former fact will change once I change my major back officially to marketing once again. Don’t ask me what my major is right now, it’s just a placeholder. Different story for a different day.
“Go for it,” I said, nervous because he didn’t seem like the type to ask me a question that warranted a pre-question unless it was something serious. I honestly thought he was going to rain-check me again for the second time that week, and I was super disappointed because I had already started putting on the little makeup I had.
“Are we having sex tonight? Because my teammates want to go somewhere at 6:30, but if not, after we get done hanging out, if you free we can chill at my dorm.”
I let out an extremely disappointed sigh.
“No... I’m not really that kind of girl,” I texted back stunned and defeated considering I had been so excited thinking that he wanted to get to know me or something.
Also—don’t know why I said I’m not really that kind of girl. Eighteen-year-old Taylor was definitely not that kind of girl, I wasn’t even in that kind of girl’s arena! Like seriously, this was such a CRAZY question to me at the time. I thought AT MOST his expectation was to kiss—which I was already terrified to do at that point since my only practice was one guy from a year prior.
But ME? SEX? How was that a question that I had been dragged into? WHO IS WE? Had he seriously typed that out and hit send? There’s no way he didn’t even get intel on me from one of his friends (one of which was a close friend of mine). Did this friend not tell him anything about me or my experience (or should I say lack of)? Also, now that I’m reliving this, was he going to rush it since apparently, the team wanted to go somewhere? Take a second and imagine if I was so desperate that I busted my ass from Cordova to CBU (a thirty-or-so minute drive) for what some call a quickie?
I thought this was crazy three or four years ago. Absolutely insane. I thought social cues and common sense wouldn’t have even made him think to ask. Like did he even think how a question like that could’ve made me feel or how I would respond? Did the idea of me saying no cross his mind? What cues did he pick up on to think I wanted that? I get that I was older, but was I behind socially? Should I have always been expecting that? How was I supposed to know?
While those were questions I had at the time, these next few are some questions that I have now:
In the context of the possibility of him thinking how I would’ve felt/responded to that question: is having empathy, meaning understanding and sharing feelings of another person, the background of social cues? Or is it the other way around?
How do both of these things relate to how I navigate characters?
Does my understanding of empathy and/or social cues regulate how I respond to characters—in that I never really question why someone is the way that they are? Or should I take notes from many of my male counterparts who suggest that I address odd or irritating behaviors from others? By addressing behaviors am I dismantling social cues or helping repair them in the relationship?
These are the kinds of questions that I would like to answer in this first series of mine ever. This topic of social cues and characters has always intrigued me, and considering I’ve been trying to be more mindful of “meeting people where they are at” I think it’s almost essential for the three topics to connect. Plus I have a few stories here and there that I think are pretty funny, so they might brighten y’all’s day and give you a casual conversation piece. I hope you all enjoy this deep dive in these coming weeks.
Thank you so much for reading!
GalaxyGats Vocabulary:
Character: A person who I deem odd or strange. Sometimes people under this category are insufferable. Many of their thoughts, mannerisms, or actions are just things that I would personally never do; the antithesis of me. There’s nothing wrong with being a character by the way; I have friends—even best friends—that I think are characters.
