Don’t Spin The Block Again.
I had to read this book in the tenth grade called The Screwtape Letters. It’s by C.S. Lewis, and it’s basically about a demon writing letters to his mentee/nephew giving tips and tricks on how to successfully turn the nephew’s patient (a human) against “the Enemy” (God).
I’m not sure if this should’ve been the most important takeaway, but the one for me (honestly the only one) is called the law of undulation.
“Their [humans] nearest approach to constancy, therefore, is undulation—the repeated return to a level from which they repeatedly fall back, a series of troughs and peaks.”
Whether you’re a Christian or not, I think every person can agree with what this quote is saying: the most consistent thing in a person’s life is that we as humans will experience the epic highs and lows of high school football.
Sorry, it just seemed like the perfect opportunity to throw in a corny quote from one of the worst-written shows on television. Seriously, who the hell kept renewing Riverdale for seven seasons?
Anyways, you’re going to have some really amazing moments, but not without those shitty things that you write on plates to break in a parking lot with your friends to metaphorically let go of. These highs and lows are guaranteed to happen if you’re living and breathing. I mean according to C.S. Lewis, it’s a law. The law of undulation.
You know that saying “right person, wrong time”? What a simple way of putting one of the most heartbreaking concepts into words. The two of you are destined for each other, but time and circumstance aren’t on your side. It’s an even worse version of unrequited love, but a great story trope. It’s beautiful, the misery of it all, isn’t it?
Yeah, no. F*ck all that. I have such visceral reactions when people say that quote to me, and in true Taylor fashion, I’m going to tell you why.
My initial thought is: if it’s the right person, then outside forces and circumstances shouldn’t stand in the way of a relationship working. The best kinds of interpersonal relationships, in my opinion at least, are the ones that are upheld through that undulation of life. I believe wholeheartedly it’s in human nature to make sacrifices for the things you want, so blaming timing is such a lousy excuse to me. If you or the other person aren’t willing to make said sacrifices—no matter how great— there’s a reason. That’s not the person for you. Point blank period.
Yet, the most infuriating part about that saying to me is that it makes people so willing to go backward or spin the block again since the notion implies that the person was the one.
I value personal growth heavily so the mere idea of going backward, revisiting a period/person from my life—it makes me fearful of plateauing or diminishing whatever progress or change I’ve made as an individual.
“Taylor, your concept of growth is too linear.”
Maybe, but I just feel like there’s a reason things end, and it should stay that way. This doesn’t mean that I don’t slip up, TRUST, but it’s something to strive for. The concept of “right person, wrong time” is a little more detrimental than this though, since it can evoke large feelings of regret almost instantaneously.
The rhetoric leads to over-romanticizing the person in question. Once someone has the title of “the right one”, it immediately throws out the more probable cause of “we just didn’t serve one another” since you’ve now put them on a pedestal. These rose-colored glasses blind you from pointing out the real factors that eventually led to the two of you’s demise. Write down the good and the bad. Get an outside perspective. Allow hindsight to do its job.
My final reason for not spinning the block again is that you’ll never be able to fully separate who they are today from what they were in the past. I think this is the most unique aspect of rekindling relationships, whether romantic or platonic, because it involves that very topic I’ve been teetering on writing about for so long: comparison is the thief of joy.
I’ve discovered that while comparing yourself with other people sucks, I think something that I struggle with the most is comparing myself to who I used to be, which is why I’m so big on personal growth. It’s one of the worst feelings to look back and feel like you were happier at one time than you are currently. You can start to blame yourself entirely and ignore the not-so-sentimental moments from that point in your life. Having a better understanding of my struggles with comparison, I hate doing it to other people, but with spinning the block again, it’s an inevitable thing.
For instance, the person who kind of inspired this post has since unknowingly suffered this happenstance.
“The timing wasn’t on our side, but I just felt like they got me”, and we didn’t speak for about two years. They came back in my life. At first, everything was good, but it quickly turned once I started to feel like they were the same person I used to know, maybe a little different, and not in ways I enjoyed. This warped version of themself that I maintained of them being “right” created unrealistic expectations that they could be that person again to me, but even better since years had passed. It wasn’t just on my end either; considering the time in my life when we met, I don’t think I had real standards of what I would and would not tolerate from them, and I think they were expecting the same girl with a weak sense of self, looking for it in other people. I might not be completely strong, but I damn sure will never be that Taylor again, nor will I put myself in a position to slip back into her mindset.
I realized the issue with trying to circle back with a person is that one out of the two you haven’t grown as much as the other. It becomes evident so quickly that timing wasn’t to blame, and you start feeling regretful about how you should’ve known better but didn’t do better.
This might be the hottest take I’ve posted on here, but I’m going to stand by it. So, if you were considering it and needed a sign, trust me, don’t do it. Don’t spin the block again. There was a reason it didn’t work, and no it’s not just proximity, mental/emotional readiness, or whatever else the case may be—I seriously think that person wasn’t for you. If it were the right person, any time would’ve been the right time.
Thank you so much for reading as always & see you soon, hopefully.
